ONE

Goodness, here we are. My sweet Leighty-bug is officially one. I had every intention of blogging more of her first year, but two kids is the real deal, y'all. It's such a strange thing having two children in two very different stages of life. One is close to taking her first steps and the other is about to start kindergarten. My heart feels like it's on a never-ending roller coaster.

But I'll save that for another day. Today I want to be sure to capture everything that is my sweet Leighton at this stage.

It's amazing to me how different my girls are already. Leighton is so loud and full of life. Even her adorable little babbling is at volume ten. She is so funny and ornery and Todd and I are often looking at each other with wide eyes thinking "what are we going to do with this one?" She laughs when we say no to her and lately when we say no, she just looks at us with a huge grin and nods her head yes. Such a stinker, she is. But she loves people. She's a cuddle bug and she falls asleep nearly every night cuddled with her sister. It is truly the sweetest thing.

Speaking of, she loves her sister. Adores her. She has two words that she says regularly and "Cos" is one of them. The other is hi. She says hi to everyone and everything. Where Crosbi at this age did not want any strangers talking to her, Leighton is quick to say hi to every person we meet.

Not quite walking, she's still incredibly mobile. When not crawling around the house, she's sneakily climbing the stairs before someone catches her. She has zero teeth but she's not afraid to eat anything. It's hilarious to watch her gum things like pretzels and crackers.

Leigthon is such a joy to our family. I know I've said it before, but she's truly the special final piece to our puzzle and we're all better for knowing and loving her.

Happy first birthday baby girl. We love you so much.

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The Days Are Long But The Years Are Short

Parenting is hard. Really hard. Just when I think I have a handle on things, I'm quickly reminded that I really don't have a clue. Crosbi and I are butting heads a lot lately. She's testing her boundaries and I'm getting irritated too easily. Sometimes I ask myself, "Why does this have to be so difficult?" And then I remember that I've been entrusted to raise a HUMAN BEING. I'm trying to mold another person who has her own thoughts and ideas and words that she's experimenting with everyday.

We had a hard night recently. She was in a bad mood, choosing words that she knew would hurt me. I took the bait and lashed out at her. It was ugly. I put myself in timeout, locking myself in my bedroom to cool off. She marched up to her room too and slammed the door (how does she know to do this at five?). 

A few minutes later she knocked and slid a note under my door. 

To mom. I love you a lot. You are my best friend. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Her note didn't change her consequences, but it did make forgiving her and asking her for forgiveness much easier. I'm thankful she's quick to apologize. I'm even more thankful that God is too. Because I had plenty of apologies myself. 

I'm learning parenting is hard because it forces me to deal with my own weaknesses, especially when I see them thrown in my face. But I'm also learning there's so much grace in it. Kids are quick to learn and they're quick to forgive. I'm hopeful that as long as we can let each other fail and quickly accept each other's apologies, we just might survive these long days and oh so short years.

xoxo

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Leighton :: One Month

It's only fair that I attempt to regularly update life with a new baby. I don't want to hear "poor second child" the rest of my life. Ha! 

I have to admit, having a baby for the second time feels so much easier than it did the first time around. I don't know if it's because I'm much more confident or if Leighton is just incredibly easy, but we found our groove really quickly. She's a great eater, a good sleeper, and rarely if ever cries. I could have described Crosbi the same way as a newborn, but I was so overwhelmed by the major life change that I didn't realize how good I had it. Now that I have a handle on caring for a baby, I'm like give me all the babies! Except that we're done having babies. For real.

Leighton will be seven weeks old tomorrow, so before I forget, I wanted to capture her first month.

At her two week appointment, she weighed in at 9.2 pounds, nearly two pounds up from her birth weight and about an inch taller. 

At over six weeks we're starting to see smiles more regularly. I can't think of many things better than baby smiles.

Crosbi is obsessed with her. Obsessed. Driving us all crazy obsessed. She wants to hold her all day long. She's constantly about an inch from her sister's face and feels the need to wake her up the moment she falls asleep. Thankfully Leighton doesn't mind a bit. 

It's been a busy month. We took our first road trip to Missouri where Leighton met her great grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. She saw her first baseball game (bad idea), but my sister and I got a good laugh out of it when both of our babies cried the whole way home. She went to her first cookout at the creek on Todd's family farm, and we even took her to the county fair. Quite a lot for a baby. We may try to slow it down a bit. 

At a month old, it appears that she really likes... to be held or cuddled + her sister + bath time + eating + naps.

While not super exciting just yet, Leighton has stolen our hearts. We're all smitten, and as cliche as it sounds, we just can't imagine life without her. We're so thankful she's here!

 

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She's Here! Leighton's Birth Story

I'm dusting off the ole' blog to share the birth story of our newest addition, Leighton Mabrey Stepp. She came fast and furious on Monday, June 28th at 1:28pm, weighing in at 7 pounds 6 ounces and 20 inches long.

Leighton's birth was completely different from Crosbi's and possibly slightly controversial in that I had an elective induction. I read many pregnancy forums where women basically said it was the worst possible thing you could do to your baby. That makes a person feel great. But I knew early on that I wanted to induce and felt incredible peace about my decision throughout my pregnancy. I had several reasons for my choice:

*I knew for sure I didn't want to go past 40 weeks. Crosbi was five days late and nearly nine pounds, and the last two weeks of my pregnancy were so miserable. I was in so much pain and not sleeping at all. I didn't want to put my family through that again. We induced the day before my due date.

*We live 45 minutes away from my hospital with no traffic. Second babies are known to come quick (which Leighton did!) and I was not about to deliver her on the side of the road. 

*Our closest family members are a good eight hours away. My mom is even further in North Carolina and I really wanted to have a plan in place for Crosbi. Leighton's due date was so close to July 4th that I was panicking a bit that I would go into labor over the holiday weekend when friends are traveling or have other plans and getting to Nashville could be difficult with holiday drivers on the road or back-ups at airports.

*Lastly, I was lucky enough to experience a "spontaneous" birth with Crosbi. My water broke at home, I had contractions in the car on the way to the hospital and was able to have a completely normal vaginal birth. My doctor was confident that my induction would be smooth since it was by second baby. I wouldn't have even considered it if it was my first (as you may remember with Crosbi).

Back to the story...at 5:00am, Todd and I packed the car, kissed our sleeping Crosbi goodbye, and made our way to the hospital. I will admit that even though I was confident in wanting to induce, I was anxious on the way to the hospital. I second guessed my decision because it felt so strange to know I would be having a baby that day but not feeling any labor symptoms at all. 

At 8am I was checked in and the nurse started my IV and pitocin. The IV may have been the worst part of my entire labor. The nurse blew a vein in my hand (ouch) and had to redo it in my arm. My arm throbbed the entire day. By 10am my contractions were regular but manageable. Todd encouraged me to go ahead and get my epidural so I could sleep, but I was nervous because I wasn't in any real pain yet. I went ahead and agreed to the epidural so that I could rest. While I don't regret getting it early (as you'll see later), the epidural was pretty painful. Because I wasn't having strong contractions, I could feel everything. I was so distracted with pain during Crosbi's birth that I didn't even feel the needle. Not the case this time.

Once the epidural was in place, the doctor put in my catheter and checked me. I was dilated 4 centimeters. An hour later (yes, just an hour!), I asked that my epidural be checked because I could feel the catheter and it was making me uncomfortable. Little did I know that it wasn't the catheter, it was the baby. I was dilated to a nine and the nurse was calling for my doctor. I will never forget the look Todd gave me when the nurse said it was time to push. We were thinking we would have hours before it was time. My doctor arrived and with one push (more like one and a half) Leighton was here. Her incredible quick delivery was such an answer to prayer and affirmation that we made the right decision for her birth. My labor was so quick that there is a good chance I wouldn't have made it to the hospital in time for not just the epidural, but possibly her birth. In an hour I went from 4 centimeters to holding my daughter. It's still surreal to me!

We spent the next few days recovering at the hospital. Leighton gave us a couple of choking scares and turned blue twice. I was a mess both times. The doctor's think it was due to her quick delivery and not having a chance to get the amniotic fluid out of her system. The pediatrician encouraged us to stay an extra night to monitor her, and thankfully she was much better by the third day and we headed home. 

We are so obsessed with our newest family member. My fears of not being able to love two, although real, were unnecessary. I'm head over heels and seeing Crosbi with her sister is a joy I can't explain. She completes our family in the best way.

Welcome to the world, Leighton Mabrey. You are so loved.

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It Takes A Village

 Be very careful never to forget what you have seen the Lord do for you. Do not let these things escape from your mind as long as you live! And be sure to pass them on to your children and grandchildren. - Deuteronomy 4:9

It really does take a village and I'm oh so thankful for mine. It's incredible how powerful words are. The past couple of weeks I have had words shared with me that have stopped me in my tracks, dropped me to my knees, and left me praising my God. All because people who care about me have shared their wisdom and kindness.

When I was pregnant with Crosbi, one of my deepest prayers was that she would find community with women who would lift her up and encourage her, and this week I'm reminded just how important that prayer still is. Not just for me and Crosbi, but now for her little sister. That's right, if you missed it, we're having another girl!

Last week we had our big 20-week ultrasound and discovered that our newest family member is a little girl. The emotions I had about having another girl were all over the place. But God amazed me with his faithfulness. Within minutes my phone was flooded with texts from my mom to best friends to old coworkers who were praying for me and with me, reminding me that God has a perfect plan and that he had always planned for me to be the mom of girls. I had friends share with such vulnerability their thoughts when they first learned the gender of their babies, and I have to say, those words moved mountains for me. God spoke through them to remind me how much he loves me and my family and I went from shock to celebration almost immediately.

Then just yesterday, He did it again. I've shared that adding another child has been a bittersweet reality as I think of how it will change my relationship with Crosbi. I still have days where I'm overcome with fear and sadness when I think of having to divide my time. Yesterday was one of those days. Before I jumped in the shower, I turned on a Taylor Swift playlist and the first song to play was "Never Grow Up." Word to the wise, do NOT listen to that song when you're a 5-month pregnant woman with crazy hormones. I lost it. Sobbed like a baby. All I could think about was how fast the past four years have gone by and how quickly Crosbi is growing up. I thought, will she ever know how much I've loved her during this time? Will she ever understand how much she means to me? (And now I'm crying as I write this...).

As I got out of the shower I heard my phone vibrating and thinking it was Todd, quickly ran to check it. It wasn't Todd, it was my Aunt Terry and her words were so timely that I know without a doubt God was speaking to her for me:

"I wanted to let you know that when I was pregnant, I also wondered how in the world I could ever love another as much as I loved the first...I remember thinking that so well. Believe me, your heart grows big enough to love so much."

What?! Is there a camera in my bathroom? How did she know? I told her I was literally just having a breakdown and her timing couldn't have been more perfect. I also told her my fears that Crosbi won't know how much I love her. Her response:

"You're correct. Crosbi will not know how much you love her until the day she has a child of her own. On that day she will know."

Cue tears forever.

But just like that, her words struck my heart and I knew God was comforting me with them. One of the greatest ways for me to deal with my fear is to know that I'm not alone. I don't know a single woman who hasn't expressed some sadness or worry about how adding another child will change their family. It means even more when they encourage me with their own stories. It's as if God himself comes down to say, "Tara, it's going to be okay. Look at these women in your life. I'm going to do the same for you."

I'm so thankful for my village. I'm thankful for the women in my life who feel a tug at their hearts and share their wisdom with me. I'm thankful that not only are they carrying me, they are going to be such amazing examples to my girls. My girls. It's still sinking in, but I'm not nearly as afraid.

Nineteen weeks left and counting. Let's do this.

xoxo

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