Worth The Weight

If you have read this little blog of mine for very long or are friends with me on Facebook, you may have noticed that I have not posted a picture of myself in oh, months. I always pictured myself being a cute pregnant person. I was only going to gain 25 pounds and be all belly. One of those women who you couldn't tell was pregnant if you saw her from behind. Well, that wasn't the case. On the day Crosbi was born, I jumped on the scale (not the wisest move I could have made) to see what my final pregnancy weight was. More than anything, I wanted to be able to see just how much I lost while in the hospital. The number below me was painful to look at. I had gained 42 pounds. Forty-two pounds! How did that happen? Actually, I know how it happened. Sitting on the couch while eating chocolate chip cookies every night will do that to a person.

The last two months of my pregnancy I really packed on the pounds and it was evident. Especially in my face. I wrote several times about how insecure I had become, how chubby my cheeks were. I hated having my picture taken. I was so insecure that when I saw someone hold up a camera, it was all I could do to not cry and beg them to not take my picture. Instead I made everyone in the room swear not to post any pictures of me online. I didn't want there to be any evidence of what I had done to myself.

Two months after the birth of my sweet girl, I regret my behavior. No, I don't regret not letting people put my photos online (the whole world didn't need to see my fat face), but I regret that I stopped taking photos of myself entirely. I don't have photos from the last 30ish weeks of my pregnancy. You won't see many of me in the hospital, and Crosbi was five weeks old before I had my first "real" picture taken with her.

When I think about that, I'm saddened. So I've decided to make another New Years resolution. I'm going to be open to any and all pictures with my baby girl. I don't want her flipping through her baby book one day and asking, "Why are there no pictures of Mommy?" More importantly, I don't want to ever have to tell her that there were no pictures because mommy felt fat. That's not the example I want to set for her. So, as part of my new efforts, you may start to see more pictures of me on this blog - chubby face and all.

Without further adieu...

New Years Eve. Crosbi stayed up until midnight to watch the ball drop with us. Such a special moment kissing my two loves as we rang in the new year.

This photo was just taken today. Crosbi made her very first trip to the zoo. Being a mommy is already so much fun. We're going to have a blast visiting the zoo as she grows.

I just love that little girl and am so excited to create many more sweet memories with her.