My New Life (and a conversation with God)

I took a long walk. The breeze was crisp, but not a cloud in the sky. I breathed deeply. It felt nice to be alone with my thoughts and have the sun on my face. Crosbi wouldn't need to eat for at least an hour and I was going to soak in the fresh, spring like air.

I should have been anxious. I should have been going over my to-do list in my mind. So much to do before Monday morning. I should have been feeling bad for taking time for myself, not wanting a single moment away from Crosbi. I should have. But I didn't. It wasn't necessary.

It wasn't necessary because Monday will be like all the other Mondays we've enjoyed these past 14 weeks.

I quit my job.

I could give the long, detailed story as to how I made that decision, and truthfully the simplest and most honest is this: God told me to. But I would be naive to think that everyone who stumbles across this little blog would know what I mean by that. No, he didn't audibly say, "Tara, you must quit your job." But as with most relationships, actions speak much louder than words. So I thought I would document our "conversation" over the past few weeks.

Me: God, I can't do this. I can't leave her. My heart can't take it.
God: I'm not asking you to leave her.
Me: We can't afford it. I've crunched the numbers a thousand times and they just don't add up.
God: Out of nowhere, Todd is offered a new job with his company and a raise.
Me: I just signed up for a flexible spending account for childcare. We will lose a lot of money.
God: HR tells me we will only have to use the small amount we had paid in and it's completely reimbursable.
Me: My job covers all of our insurance and we turned down Todd's plan when Crosbi was born. We can't go the rest of the year uninsured.
God: Todd's HR says his insurance will pick up where mine leaves off.
Me: But we'll still come up short. Really short. I have to contribute something.
God: Our pastor calls, asks if I can work at our church two days a week. With practically free childcare.
Me: But I can't leave the music industry. It's too important to me. Who am I if I can't say I work for Sony?
God: You are My child and Crosbi's mother. Roles that should not be taken lightly.
Me: Speechless.

Isn't God so gracious to provide when we need Him? I don't take for granted this blessing. I know so many moms that would do anything to stay home with their little ones and for whatever reason are not able to. I know I don't deserve this opportunity. All I can offer as a thank you is my full commitment to raise Crosbi to know her Savior. He has called me to an incredibly important role and I don't take it lightly.

Todd and I don't have the perfect life. I don't want to ever come across as if we do. It's not going to be easy with me staying home. We have to cut back a lot. Budgeting has a whole new meaning now. But I'm more than okay with that.

I'm so thankful for this new life. So thankful to spend my days with my girl.

So thankful for a God who knows us better than we know ourselves.

A Baby Changes Everything

"I lead each of My children along a path that is uniquely tailored for him or her."    Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

Lots of changes are happening in our house. A couple I can't write about just yet, but I will. Soon. People say a baby changes everything. But it's true. A baby changes everything.

I knew our schedules would change. Todd and I go to bed when Crosbi does. Around 9pm. It's kind of sad, really. Some nights we'll stay up past 10 - oh boy! It's just that our little one wakes between 6 and 6:30am, ready for the day, and I stopped napping when she naps a long time ago. Her nap time is precious, not to be wasted on sleeping!

Our social life has changed. We used to go on dates all the time. When I was pregnant, we would go out for dinner three, sometimes four nights a week. That may not have been the wisest way to spend our money, but it's what we did and we enjoyed it. We haven't been on a date since Crosbi was born. What's crazy is that my biggest fear about having a baby was losing one-on-one time with Todd, but now our time as a family feels just as special as our former date nights. Friends have asked why we haven't gone out, and really, we just haven't felt like we needed to. When Todd gets home, he wants to play with his daughter, and I love watching them together. I'm sure as she gets older, we'll need our alone time. I would like to have bi-weekly, if not weekly date nights in the months and/or years to come.

Our spending has changed. We took a spontaneous trip to Atlanta a couple of weekends ago to do some shopping. I still had Christmas money and was looking forward to updating my wardrobe. But then I get to the mall where H&M and Gap Kids get the best of me. Do I need a new pair of jeans? Nah. Besides, it's so much more fun dressing Crosbi!

My goals and dreams have changed. This has been the biggest change for me, one I'm truly struggling with, although I think we have found a solution and I will write about that very soon. I've been spending lots of time seeking counsel and praying about returning back to work. I never could have imagined it would be so hard for me. I had a vision for my life. I knew who I wanted to be. Funny how God has a way of changing us.

I'll be back soon to share more of the change in our home. Until then I'll be praying, seeking wisdom from close friends and family, and doing my best to let go and let God take me down the path He has uniquely tailored for me. A path I never imagined.

Oh, and I'll also be kissing this sweet face! I love my girl!

It's past 10 o'clock. I better get to bed!

The Nursery

The nursery is just about done! There is one last thing to hang on the wall and we're calling it complete. I was going to wait until it's 100% finished, but realized that may never happen. I know, it's not like Crosbi is playing in there, keeping it messy. But it isn't camera ready most days. We store her car seat in there when we're not using it and I throw her clean clothes in her crib until I get around to folding them. Getting this post out is really now or never!

I knew from day one that I wanted the room to be neutral, yet filled with lots of bright pops of color. The majority of our home is filled with earth tones. Lots of greens, tans, blues, etc. When I found out we were having a girl, my first instinct was to do grays and muted colors, but I realized this was the one room where we could have fun with pinks and I wanted to give it a shot. 

My color palette inspiration:

source

I loved the bright yellows, pinks and oranges. Very citrusy!

Once I had the colors in mind, I got busy. I chose the fabric first and then picked accessories that were fun, but would grow with Crosbi. I didn't want to be redecorating when she turns two. It was also important that her room didn't look like it came out of a Pottery Barn Kids catalog. Don't get me wrong, I love PB Kids! I just didn't want it to look too "put together." I bought most of the accessories on Etsy or tried to replicate items I found on Pinterest.

What did moms do before Pinterest, right?

It's all in the details!

Not pictured is a dry-erase quote board I made for Crosbi using the same polka-dot fabric as the pillow in her crib. It may get it's own post soon. It will go on the wall (also not pictured) across from her dresser / beside her glider. We have yet to hang it. Hopefully that will happen sooner than later. We don't get things checked off the to-do list like we used to!

If anyone is interested in where a few of the things in C's room came from, I have added sources below:

Fabric: here & here
Wall clock
Tissue Poms
Crib
Mason Jar Photo
Flowers

So Much To Say

No, I'm not the one speaking my mind this time. Lately there has been a lot more listening in our house.

Crosbi has found her voice. This morning she had lots to say to Todd before he left for work.

Enjoy!

Crosbi: Two Months

Happy Valentine's Day!

Here I am again, super late in getting Crosbi's monthly update posted. So she'll be three months old a week from today, that's alright. Better late than never! I can't be too hard on myself these days. I only have a couple more weeks before I return to work, so I'm spending each second that Crosbi is awake cuddling and playing. Yes, I'm returning to work. Just months ago I would have said that I would have no problem going back. I've always been pretty career/goal driven. But a sweet little girl changed all of that. Now I'm begging time to stop. I don't want to be away from Crosbi for a second. I am going to be one terribly sad mommy soon. Praise God it's just part-time for awhile. I'm sure I'll be writing more on that in the weeks to come.

For now, I'll celebrate this special Valentine's Day with my 2 month old baby girl. She's getting so big!

• Weighing 13.1 pounds and 24 inches long (at 8 weeks), my little stinker is growing by the minute! 
• She has just started to laugh out loud and it melts my heart. I will do any dance or silly voice to get her to laugh. I have no shame. Her giggles are the best sound in the world.
• She's getting better at holding her head up and will sit in her Bumbo seat for a few minutes. 
• She likes to see what is going on around her. No holding her like a baby, she needs to be able to look around. 
• Still not much of a crier (thank goodness!), she is making her voice heard when she's angry now. She's not afraid to yell. It cracks me up. 
• Crosbi sleeps 9+ hours straight each night. To my mommy readers out there, please don't hate me! I have to thank the Miracle Blanket for sure, but I'm also really blessed to just have a good sleeper. 
• She loves other babies (including the baby she sees in the mirror) and small kiddos. I think she's going to be pretty social!

My sweet girl is growing so fast.

Wishing you all a Valentine's Day filled with lots of love (thanks Shutterfly!)

*Shutterfly gives you a $10 coupon when you blog about projects you make on their site. Not a bad deal! 

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