October 28, 2011

Girl Power

As the arrival of our little girl becomes closer by the day, I've found myself being more reflective. In my quiet time, I think about my hopes and dreams for my daughter and the woman she will eventually become. It's when I think about her future that I am in awe of what a great responsibility God has placed in front of me and I sometimes struggle with the fact that He has given me the task of raising her (along with her dad, of course!). I in no way have it together, and now I will teach this little girl from my experiences and mistakes. It's a bit overwhelming.

I've never really prayed specific characteristics over her. I want her to be exactly the person God has called her to be. I would love if she has her father's sense of humor and laid back outlook on life. I hope she's driven like me and chases her dreams even when it's scary. I hope she loves the outdoors and getting dirty like I did when I was little and that she has the athletic ability of her dad and the musical ability of my father. I hope she laughs a lot. But she may come into my world and be quiet and reserved like her mother, and instead of laid back, a bit high strung like me too. She may love pink and ruffles and cringe at dirt. She might hate the Cardinals (gasp!). But she will be uniquely her and I can't wait to get to know her.

While I don't pray specific traits over her, there is one prayer that seeps into my mind constantly (aside from praying that she will follow Jesus at a young age and be on fire for God. I want her to do big things for His kingdom). But after that, I pray she will have amazing girlfriends in her life. I know without a doubt that she will be shaped more by her friends than by me and Todd. I know this, because it has been true in my life. I have been so fortunate to have always been surrounded by incredible women. 

I'm excited for Crosbi to get to know the women in my life that I love like crazy and for her to seek her own similar friendships. My girls give me strength that I can't define. They carry me when I'm too weak to walk and they challenge me to be a better me. Oh, that Crosbi would have that.

 I can't wait for her to have sleepovers and a part of me can't wait for the day that I have to tell her and her friends to go to bed because it's 2am and they're still up talking and laughing. I want to be there for her when her friends turn their backs on her, and celebrate with her when God restores those friendships and makes them better than ever. I pray even now that God will place godly women around her as she grows and that she will love women and not feel the need to compete with them.

This week I was able to sneak away for some girl time with my sweet friend, Christi. We walked arm in arm and talked about our lives and what the future holds. I left strongly convicted that I can't let being a mom cause me to be so busy that I don't have time for my girlfriends. They are good for my soul. I know that Crosbi will see that and be encouraged as she grows to find her own group of girlfriends who make her feel more loved than she can imagine.

Sweet Crosbi, I hope you know that you have the freedom to be whoever you want to be. I pray that you will love Jesus with all your heart. That you will have a crazy passion for God and His people. And I pray that He would surround you with women that will enforce both of those things as He has for me. I love you.

October 21, 2011

Down to the Wire

I am officially overwhelmed. There is one tell-tale sign in my life that my brain is overloaded and each time it happens (sadly it has happened way too many times), I feel like I'm spinning out of control. It's trivial really, but it's an alarm for me and today I'm trying hard to just breathe.

I woke up this morning in a grumpy mood. I didn't sleep much last night. I don't sleep most nights. I've actually started staying up late with Todd, even choosing to watch baseball with him rather than attempting to sleep because my bed has become a torture chamber in my bedroom. A physical reminder of a sleepless night filled with tossing and turning, restless legs, leg cramps and frequent trips to the bathroom. So I woke up exhausted and forced myself into the bathroom where I cried during my shower, slowly pulling it together by the time I headed downstairs for breakfast. Then it happened. I grabbed my purse, my iced chai and opened the door to our garage. I reached to open the door to my car. Nothing. Locked. Keys inside. Meltdown.

The week Todd and I got married I locked my keys in my car twice. It wouldn't be such a big deal if it wasn't such an expensive mistake. The fee for today's lockout was $60. I did the same thing just a couple of months ago. I think the locksmith company is starting to count on me to make their monthly quotas. The sight of car keys in my locked car has become a red flag that I need to slow down.

Today I got smart. I called our insurance company this morning and for $4 per year, I am now covered on all lockouts. With a baby on the way, this is a much needed investment!

My due date is less than a month away and there is still so much to be done. Thankfully a few of the big things have been crossed off my list: finalizing maternity leave plans, installing the car seat, pre-registering at the hospital, etc. But my to-do list continues to fill up, not only with baby things but preparing to leave work for three months is a chore of it's own. A quick look at my current to-do list would look something like this:

I know I will never feel prepared for a new baby, but I'm starting to panic. To my mom friends out there, how did you handle the last month? Were you better about planning and had everything done months in advance? Did you have meltdowns like I'm having? Were you calm and collected? If so, please share your tips. This flustered mommy-to-be will take all the help she can get!

I can tell you one thing, this overwhelming feeling has helped kick my prayer life into gear. I know that I need to lean on God's strength and not my own. My weakness has been a good reminder that I can't do this alone. I was never meant to.Why do we as women feel the need to have it all together all the time? That's a post for another time...

Until then, have a great weekend and make sure your keys are in hand before you lock your car doors! 

October 14, 2011

Breaking the Bank

If I had a nickel for every time someone told me that little girls' clothes are more fun, I would have a nice little chunk of change. But, funny enough I'm finding that the cutest clothes for little girls are in toddler sizes. I'm having the hardest time finding things I love in newborn or 0-6 months that aren't pink. Don't get me wrong, pink is great, I just don't need my girl's closet to look like a giant bottle of Pepto Bismol exploded in it.

Thankfully the good folks at H&M understand my dilemma and have the cutest clothes for age 2 months and up. I just have a slight problem. We don't have an H&M! But, I do have a mom who has an H&M in her city and I think we're going to have to come up with some type of ordering system. I'm thinking I send her a list of the items I want and a check, she does the shopping and ships to my house (making her Grandma of the century) and everybody wins! 

Seriously, with clothes this cute (and incredibly affordable), how can I resist? My little girl may break the bank, but I can't wait to dress her. I just need to get the nursery finished so her little outfits have a place to go. Hoping to have nursery photos soon!

October 11, 2011

Showered with Love

This past Friday night I had my last baby shower in Nashville with close friends and coworkers. It was absolutely incredible and a great way to wrap up a season of baby showers and celebrating Crosbi's coming arrival. My girls went above and beyond - the attention to detail, the whimsical accessories, the delicious treats, I could go on and on. To top it off, my mom flew in from North Carolina to spend the weekend with us and was finally able to meet the girls I've been telling her about for years. It was a magical weekend, one I will never forget.

An incredibly talented friend (Erica) made the adorable diaper 3-wheeler below. How cool is that? I can't get myself to take it apart!

I love these girls. They really spoiled me!

Since I'm on a roll with pictures, I'll go ahead and add some more from my showers in Missouri. Lauren was sweet enough to remind me that I didn't blog about them, and I do need to acknowledge them! The problem is that I was so busy visiting family and friends that I barely took any pictures. Hopefully my family will send more my way. Until then...

I will be 35 weeks tomorrow. I'm ready to not be pregnant, but I'm also starting to panic a little bit. I haven't really thought about what life will be like when C gets here. I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to babies! Surprisingly labor isn't making me nearly as fearful as I imagined. Instead, I think about things like our first ride home from the hospital. Our first night with her home. Life after my mom leaves and Todd goes back to work. Eek!

Breathe, Tara! I have such an amazing support system. My mom just kept reminding me of that after meeting so many of my friends with little ones of their own. She couldn't believe how many of my girlfriends are in the same stage of life and will be able to answer any questions I might have. I'm so thankful for that.

So Crosbi, keep getting chubby while we wait on you. You're probably not going to get too much longer and are currently weighing around five pounds. Mommy would be thrilled if you decide to only gain about two more between now and your arrival! But as long as you're healthy, I don't mind if you're a big baby. That's what epidurals are for!