Famous last words.
I was asked to speak for three minutes about my purpose as a woman and how that purpose translates into being in radio from a record label perspective.
I had two days to decide what I would talk about. I know three minutes isn't long, but I was sweating. Surprisingly though, the words for my talk came quickly. A huge part of my story involves my leaving the record label world (and my dream job) to step out in obedience to stay home with Crosbi. It was God asking me to surrender my goals and dreams for His plans and how that season of staying home, while incredibly challenging, was one of the sweetest seasons of my life. I also spoke about how my trust in God was honored and my dreams restored with my return to the music industry. Because God is good. Surrendering is good.
Except it's not easy. The irony in all of this is that my talk on surrender was more for me than anyone else. I find myself in another season of not knowing how things will work out. I don't know what the future holds, but I know my current setup isn't working for my family. I'm being faced with the decision to surrender again. And it's scary.
But God is so quick to remind us of His goodness. Just this morning He reminded me again that His plans are better than mine.
I haven't shared this story on my blog, mainly because I haven't found the time, but I want to remember this:
When Todd and I first started looking at land, we found a lot on a private lake and we were smitten. Then reality hit and we came to our senses. It was way over our budget. So we continued to look and found a little acreage in a neighborhood. The perfect compromise for the two of us: Todd wanting to be in the middle of nowhere, me wanting other humans around. We kept an eye on the "perfect" lot for a full year. We walked it over and over again. We took our parents to see it. We met the next door neighbor.
Because the lot had sat untouched for years, we took our time. We got our finances in order, we sketched floor plans, we daydreamed about life in the country. Then just days (literally days) before we made an offer on the land, our realtor called to tell us there was another offer on the table. We found ourselves in a bidding war that we knew we weren't going to win. We were devastated. Our former house was already under contract and now we didn't know where we were going to go.
There was another lot on a hill that we knew was for sale, but had never looked at, and sure enough, others were looking at that lot too. In desperation, Todd drove over to look at it by the light of a flashlight and on hope and a prayer, we made an offer on the land we now live on. Here's the funny thing. Before we broke ground, we brought our parents back out and they all said we had lucked out. That we actually got the better lot. Todd and I were having a hard time believing it. We felt like we had been left with less than our best. But we were wrong. The longer we live here, the more we know this is exactly where we were always supposed to be.
One of the first mornings in our house, I tip-toed upstairs early for some quiet time and I was greeted by this view:
And just today, when Todd walked out the front door for work, this view:
The same view from the other lot would have been the front of the neighbor's house across the street. We didn't get less than His best. Not even close.
Things feel really uncertain and I don't know how everything will ultimately play out, but I know God has this. I know I can trust Him. And I know the view is so much better when I do.