I am officially past the halfway mark and to be honest, the fear is starting to set in. Friends and family are using the phrase, "It won't be long!" when what I would rather hear most days is, "You've got lots of time!"
I know all new mothers have their fears and worries, but I feel so unprepared. I've never been a baby person. I know nothing about babies. Yes, I worked in a daycare for two years in high school and college and worked in childcare at our church back home, but I was always with the two and three year olds. There's not a toddler I can't handle. But a newborn? I don't have a clue. It's not helping that I beat myself up over this. When I hold a baby and he/she cries, I immediately give myself the third degree. "What were you thinking? You don't know what you're doing! You're going to be horrible at this." I'm my own worst enemy. Am I crazy for wishing that this little girl inside of me would decide to stay in until she's about 14 months old?
I'm known to watch shows like Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant (trashy TV I know), but sometimes it can be so therapeutic. If these teenage girls can figure out what to do with an infant, surely I can, right? I'm nearly twice their age with a supportive husband and an amazing community. I have no reason to fear. But still, I'm nervous. Hoping my motherly instincts will kick in very soon.
To my mom friends - is it normal to feel this way? Will it come to me naturally when my little one arrives? Or should I be taking every childcare course I can fit in between now and November 16th?
Thankfully I have lots of wonderful distractions to keep my mind occupied in the mean time. I love feeling my little peanut kick. Her kicks and punches often make me laugh out loud. Calling her by name is wonderful. Thinking about her nursery takes up hours of my time searching for fabrics, furniture and paint colors. Debating what she might look like with Todd is entertaining. I think she'll be my little brown haired, brown eyed beauty. He's certain she'll be blonde like he was when he was little.
We're past the halfway mark. Nineteen weeks to go until our lives completely change forever. I'm so thankful we're not in this alone. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I'm already a firm believer. I just feel so unbelievably blessed that our village has stepped up and is excitedly awaiting our little girl's arrival.