October 21, 2011

Down to the Wire

I am officially overwhelmed. There is one tell-tale sign in my life that my brain is overloaded and each time it happens (sadly it has happened way too many times), I feel like I'm spinning out of control. It's trivial really, but it's an alarm for me and today I'm trying hard to just breathe.

I woke up this morning in a grumpy mood. I didn't sleep much last night. I don't sleep most nights. I've actually started staying up late with Todd, even choosing to watch baseball with him rather than attempting to sleep because my bed has become a torture chamber in my bedroom. A physical reminder of a sleepless night filled with tossing and turning, restless legs, leg cramps and frequent trips to the bathroom. So I woke up exhausted and forced myself into the bathroom where I cried during my shower, slowly pulling it together by the time I headed downstairs for breakfast. Then it happened. I grabbed my purse, my iced chai and opened the door to our garage. I reached to open the door to my car. Nothing. Locked. Keys inside. Meltdown.

The week Todd and I got married I locked my keys in my car twice. It wouldn't be such a big deal if it wasn't such an expensive mistake. The fee for today's lockout was $60. I did the same thing just a couple of months ago. I think the locksmith company is starting to count on me to make their monthly quotas. The sight of car keys in my locked car has become a red flag that I need to slow down.

Today I got smart. I called our insurance company this morning and for $4 per year, I am now covered on all lockouts. With a baby on the way, this is a much needed investment!

My due date is less than a month away and there is still so much to be done. Thankfully a few of the big things have been crossed off my list: finalizing maternity leave plans, installing the car seat, pre-registering at the hospital, etc. But my to-do list continues to fill up, not only with baby things but preparing to leave work for three months is a chore of it's own. A quick look at my current to-do list would look something like this:

I know I will never feel prepared for a new baby, but I'm starting to panic. To my mom friends out there, how did you handle the last month? Were you better about planning and had everything done months in advance? Did you have meltdowns like I'm having? Were you calm and collected? If so, please share your tips. This flustered mommy-to-be will take all the help she can get!

I can tell you one thing, this overwhelming feeling has helped kick my prayer life into gear. I know that I need to lean on God's strength and not my own. My weakness has been a good reminder that I can't do this alone. I was never meant to.Why do we as women feel the need to have it all together all the time? That's a post for another time...

Until then, have a great weekend and make sure your keys are in hand before you lock your car doors! 


  1. Sweet Tara! I am praying for you, Todd, and little Crosbi Adelle as you count down the days till you finally meet! If I were there, I would clean,clean,clean for you! (I am good at cleaning! I love cleaning!) Hang in there, Mama!

  2. I'm sorry you're so overwhelmed though I can say I was too. It wasn't nearly as bad with #3 but I was home at that point cutting out all the job-related stress. With my first 2, I made sure I got everything done that I KNEW I would be really upset over if I didn't get them done first. I also was struck with lots of random crying...mostly attributed to my constant state of overwhelm I think. :) I was a little caught off guard with #1 b/c she came 11 days early but I had my hospital bag packed and her bed was ready for her when we got home. My mom did the rest of her laundry when we came home. My best pieces of advice are to do the things you feel are non-negotiables now, and ask for as much help as you can. I'm still learning to ask for help instead of trying to do everything on my own. You'll do great! You are already more prepared than a lot of first timers!

  3. It's funny.. for me, when I am overwhelmed my brain shuts down too. I did really silly things at the end with Asher. I think that simplifying your to do list by priority may help. Or even taking the list and splitting it up between phone calls to make, office, home... etc. And last but not least, and I had to learn this one the hard way.... Let Todd do some. He can put together the furniture, he can call the pediatrician, he can help clean too. In fact, knowing this man, he probably wants to do anything to help. Even if you all put together one piece of furniture a night.. while your watching baseball... in fact, Rich said that he can take out the frustration with hammering and screw-driving! Babies don't need all the toys and accessories we think they do right away... she will be fine with a Mama and Daddy to hold her and love on her:) Which I know you will do already! Prayers for you though, sweet friend!