November 19, 2011

The Waiting Game

For months I have stared at November 16th on the calendar. That date will forever be permanently stamped on my brain, so it's a bit strange knowing it passed us by three days ago. I really thought I might have this baby early. I'm not sure why I thought that way. My mom was a week overdue with me and my sister. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. These last few weeks of pregnancy haven't been the easiest. I know that's the case for every expecting woman. By the end, you're just ready to not feel pregnant anymore. I felt that way until my due date came and went.

At my last doctor's appointment, ironically on November 16th, we learned that I have still not made any progress. The baby hasn't dropped. I haven't dilated. Nothing. Zero. I haven't had one contraction. I thought I had experienced Braxton Hicks, but now I'm not sure I ever did. It may have just been Crosbi stretching out her tiny arms and legs all along. Yet, I'm scheduled to be induced on Monday night. My initial thought was, "Sure, that makes sense. I'll be five days late. No reason to keep stalling." But now my thoughts have drastically changed and I'm having an all out battle in my mind about being induced. I just don't want to force my body to do something it's not ready to do. My little girl may not be ready. She's safe and sound in my belly. My blood pressure is as close to perfect as it can be, she still has plenty of room to squirm around, and other than feeling huge, I'm doing fine. I just feel so torn. I trust my doctor and when he says he's not concerned that I haven't dilated, that I could still have a completely normal delivery, I believe him. But, I'm really starting to think I should let nature run its course and when Crosbi is ready to make her appearance, she will be sure to let me know. This has been one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make.

Todd has been incredible. He supports my decision either way. I have an appointment on Monday before we're admitted to the hospital. If I haven't made any progress, I may have to give it another day or two. I have to be able to walk away if I don't feel comfortable moving forward. I'm praying for discernment. I don't want to make a decision out of fear of labor. I want to do what is best for by body and more importantly, my baby. Ideally, I would go into labor naturally and have the decision made for me.

To my close friends and family who keep up with this little blog, I ask for your prayers. Todd and I are praying that God will give us wisdom and discernment. This is one of the first big decisions we will make as parents, and we want it to be the right one.

For now, I'm going to wrap this up and spend the rest of the evening curled up with my husband. We have had such a great day. The weather couldn't be better. We enjoyed one final pre-baby brunch at Noshville, loaded up on our favorite things from Trader Joe's, and even stopped for ice cream. When we got home we were immediately back in our pajamas and back in bed where we have been for hours reading, napping and watching TV. Because we can.

Thanks for all of the incredible support during this crazy journey of pregnancy. Your encouragement has made even my hardest days a little easier and I have never felt so covered in prayer. I can absolutely say I have not walked this road alone.  Thank you.

I have a feeling my next post will be a big announcement that our little girl has entered our world.

Surreal.

Stay tuned...

1 comment:

  1. I am so glad she came on her own and that God made that decision for you! Congrats lady!

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