Why I Blog (Now)

To be completely honest, I can be a pretty insecure person. I am the queen of second guessing myself. From the things I say, to the clothes I wear, I'm constantly beating myself up.

"I shouldn't have said that."

"I'm too old to shop there."

"That person never e-mailed me back. Are they mad at me?"

Craziness.

So it should be no surprise that those voices would taunt me when it comes to blogging as well.  I mean, who cares what a day in my life looks like? I asked myself that after my last post. But the truth is, from the day I wrote my very first post, I told myself that this blog was for me and for friends and family who live far away and want an extra glimpse into our lives that phone calls and e-mails can't provide. The comments and page views are an added bonus, but not the reason I write here.

I was wrestling with why I blog the other night as I was putting Crosbi to bed. She had fallen asleep in my arms and I spent a few extra minutes holding her. The thought crossed my mind that if tragically something were to happen to me, she wouldn't remember me. She wouldn't have memories of our days filled with playing and snuggling. She wouldn't remember the sound of my voice or how it felt when I held her. And sadly, I can't recreate those things and bottle them up. But what she will know if one day she reads this blog, whether online or in print, is how much I love her. Maybe it's not so interesting how we spent a day to some, but I know Crosbi will love looking back at those photos one day. She'll cherish the words I wrote about her - how much I adore her and how much better she made my life. This is her blog. This is her digital baby book, because regardless if I post about her, or other things going on, they're still her memories.

I don't have any plans of going anywhere, and I hope to live until I'm over 100 like several of the women in my family, but knowing that this little space is for my little girl erases the doubt. It quiets the voices that say, "Who cares?" Because I care. Crosbi will care.

Seriously, that girl is rocking my world in the best way. Giving me confidence over and over.

The picture above is of Crosbi watching Baby Einstein for the first time. I don't let her watch TV much, but how cute is she? She's loving it!