April 30, 2012

Why I Blog (Now)

To be completely honest, I can be a pretty insecure person. I am the queen of second guessing myself. From the things I say, to the clothes I wear, I'm constantly beating myself up.

"I shouldn't have said that."

"I'm too old to shop there."

"That person never e-mailed me back. Are they mad at me?"

Craziness.

So it should be no surprise that those voices would taunt me when it comes to blogging as well.  I mean, who cares what a day in my life looks like? I asked myself that after my last post. But the truth is, from the day I wrote my very first post, I told myself that this blog was for me and for friends and family who live far away and want an extra glimpse into our lives that phone calls and e-mails can't provide. The comments and page views are an added bonus, but not the reason I write here.



I was wrestling with why I blog the other night as I was putting Crosbi to bed. She had fallen asleep in my arms and I spent a few extra minutes holding her. The thought crossed my mind that if tragically something were to happen to me, she wouldn't remember me. She wouldn't have memories of our days filled with playing and snuggling. She wouldn't remember the sound of my voice or how it felt when I held her. And sadly, I can't recreate those things and bottle them up. But what she will know if one day she reads this blog, whether online or in print, is how much I love her. Maybe it's not so interesting how we spent a day to some, but I know Crosbi will love looking back at those photos one day. She'll cherish the words I wrote about her - how much I adore her and how much better she made my life. This is her blog. This is her digital baby book, because regardless if I post about her, or other things going on, they're still her memories.


I don't have any plans of going anywhere, and I hope to live until I'm over 100 like several of the women in my family, but knowing that this little space is for my little girl erases the doubt. It quiets the voices that say, "Who cares?" Because I care. Crosbi will care.

Seriously, that girl is rocking my world in the best way. Giving me confidence over and over.


The picture above is of Crosbi watching Baby Einstein for the first time. I don't let her watch TV much, but how cute is she? She's loving it!

5 comments:

  1. Perfectly said. I have followed your blog for quite some time but don't know that I've ever commented. I hope you continue blogging for the reasons you stated in this post. It's why people who don't even know you (like me) enjoy reading about your precious family. It seems refreshingly real. :)

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  2. amen sister! but, i DO care and love the updates too! so just an added bonus of encouragement to keep them coming publicly, so we can soak up all the Crosbi and Stepp goodness we can as well. :) You've given me motivation to ressurect my blog for Baby G, so thank you.

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  3. i couldn't agree more! and I have those same thoughts! You are doing an awesome job, what a blessing you are to Crosbi. I am so thankful I can keep up with you guys since we are so far away! P.S. We LOVED baby Einstein...and now Minnie Mouse, Barney, Tinker Bell (the list goes on and on!)

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  4. Amen, sistah. Keep on going. Who cares what others think? Apparently both of us, because I've been doubting myself lately for slightly different reasons. Trying to put together the words to write about it - hopefully soon! Thanks so much for sharing this.

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  5. This post made me cry. Maybe just hormones.... never the less, I think a blog is a great outlet and if it only touches your life ( which as you can see you reach many more) then it's worth it!

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