A few weeks ago I stumbled on a new-to-me blog, Chatting at the Sky. I immediately fell in love with the author’s writing style, so I was pretty excited when she decided to dedicate the entire month of October to discussions about grace (31 Days of Grace). Her posts have become a daily devotional to me and nearly every day I’m learning something new about myself and the way I view grace.
I am fully aware that grace can’t be earned and that I will never deserve it, but my actions lately would prove that I don’t always believe those truths. I have caught myself living as if I have outgrown grace or that I’m now too old for it. As I get closer to my 30s, my self-imposed pressure continues to build. I guess I felt that when I was younger, grace made more sense because I was learning and maturing. Now I feel like I should have it all figured out, I should know how to avoid mistakes and how to live in perfect community with others.
Sadly, I haven’t figured it out. I’m continually failing, and I have been feeling undeserving of grace because well, I should know better than to mess up.
The other night I had a meltdown. Actually it was more of a full blown tantrum. I said hurtful things to Todd and spent the next day profusely apologizing. I kept thinking, would I want a child to see me act that way? No. Am I way too old to be throwing fits when things don’t go my way? Yes. But what did Todd do? He lovingly forgave me, which is one of the most beautiful forms of grace.
I still need grace. Lots of it. I need grace from God, from the people I share life with, and more than ever I need it from myself.
Check out Chatting at the Sky for more thoughts on grace.
Also, if you’re an owner of a DSLR camera, check out 31 Days to a Better Photo. One of the best tutorials I have seen!