The Days Are Long But The Years Are Short

Parenting is hard. Really hard. Just when I think I have a handle on things, I'm quickly reminded that I really don't have a clue. Crosbi and I are butting heads a lot lately. She's testing her boundaries and I'm getting irritated too easily. Sometimes I ask myself, "Why does this have to be so difficult?" And then I remember that I've been entrusted to raise a HUMAN BEING. I'm trying to mold another person who has her own thoughts and ideas and words that she's experimenting with everyday.

We had a hard night recently. She was in a bad mood, choosing words that she knew would hurt me. I took the bait and lashed out at her. It was ugly. I put myself in timeout, locking myself in my bedroom to cool off. She marched up to her room too and slammed the door (how does she know to do this at five?). 

A few minutes later she knocked and slid a note under my door. 

To mom. I love you a lot. You are my best friend. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Her note didn't change her consequences, but it did make forgiving her and asking her for forgiveness much easier. I'm thankful she's quick to apologize. I'm even more thankful that God is too. Because I had plenty of apologies myself. 

I'm learning parenting is hard because it forces me to deal with my own weaknesses, especially when I see them thrown in my face. But I'm also learning there's so much grace in it. Kids are quick to learn and they're quick to forgive. I'm hopeful that as long as we can let each other fail and quickly accept each other's apologies, we just might survive these long days and oh so short years.

xoxo

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Thirty-One Weeks And A Little Perspective

I'm thirty-one weeks into this pregnancy and I'm not going to lie, I'm ready to be done. This week hasn't been an easy one. All of the normal discomfort of the third trimester has hit, but a couple of nights ago I woke up sick. And I didn't make it to the bathroom. Yep. 

I know that's not the picture of a glowing pregnant woman anyone wants to hear about, but it's my reality. I wish I was one of those women who felt strong and confident and loved every minute of pregnancy, but it's just not me. But I've learned that it's okay to not be that woman. We're all made so differently. Pregnancy is hard on my body. However, it reminds me that at my core, I'm really weak and that's actually a good thing. I can easily start to think that I'm in control of my life. I can set goals and work hard and often, though not always, things work out the way I hope they will. But pregnancy is a much needed humble reminder that I have no control whatsoever. I can't make my body not get sick. I can't make my body not gain weight (and oh how I've tried this time!) and I can't will myself to feel rested. I've cried out for help so many times the past few months. Ironically, while the pain and sickness haven't disappeared, I've felt God so close. Pregnancy brings me to my knees. When I can't bear to look at the woman I've become in the mirror, I have to remember where my worth comes from. When I feel like I can't go on one more day, I'm forced to remember that my strength comes from Christ alone. I don't enjoy pregnancy (like, at all), but it's so sanctifying. My pregnancy with Crosbi completely changed my life and my faith and this time around is no different. 

The day after my unfortunate not making it to the bathroom episode, I felt done. I needed a day to reset. Crosbi and I stayed home and had a lazy day of coloring and watching movies. She wanted to draw a picture for me and I was blown away by her art. 

It's the two of us with a heart in the middle. It was all I could do not to cry. The hard, sanctifying work of pregnancy brought me the greatest gift: my incredibly caring and loving baby girl. I looked at her picture and reminded myself that I would do all of it over again for her. The months of sickness, the pain and discomfort. She's worth it. So worth it. And soon her sister will be here and I'll say the same about her. The beauty of it all is that's how Jesus feels about me. He took the cross, the pain, the discomfort because he knew the other side. He saw me and said I was worth it. 

Perspective is an amazing thing. I don't enjoy this. I would be thrilled if it could be over tomorrow, but I'll hang on to my belief that this is as much about me understanding God's love for me as it is welcoming another life into our family. And today I'll be just a bit stronger.

xoxo

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Wrong Words and Other Ramblings

I have done a really poor job blogging about this pregnancy. Poor second child! I think that's mainly because once I got out of the dreaded first trimester, this pregnancy has felt so similar to my first. I'm carrying the same, gaining weight (like crazy) the same. My denial is the same. I don't really have anything new to add this time around. They say all pregnancies are different, but so far that hasn't been the case for me. The only difference I can really find this time is my age. It's pretty wild how much a person can age in four short years! I really feel like a woman in her almost mid-thirties carrying a baby and physically it feels harder. I don't think I was "over it" with Crosbi until I hit nine months. I'll be 29 weeks this week and if this baby was fully developed and ready to meet the world, I would be ready to go. I miss my old body in a fierce way. But as much as I'm ready for the pregnancy to be over, I'm thankful that my body carries a baby with little issue. My doctor has spread out my appointments longer than typically suggested because I'm boring basically. I'm more than okay with that.

Crosbi's feelings about the baby change by the day and as we get closer, I notice her really thinking through the changes and how she will be affected and some days it breaks my heart. There are days when she can't wait to feed and change the baby, and then there are days like a day earlier this week when she told me she didn't want us to have a baby anymore. She said she wants it to just be the three of us because she doesn't want me always taking care of the baby. She's been acting out a bit more than normal and I think it's because she's processing the change that's happening already. I know it's completely normal, but it makes me sad. She's my girl. She has my heart and the changes coming scare me too. But I know it will all work out and when we meet this baby our family will feel complete. My focus will just go from loving one well to being intentional with two. Never did I think I would be a stay at home mom, but in this season, I'm beyond thankful that I am. I will have my babies with me each day to pour into. I know there will be really, really hard days, but there's nothing else I would rather do. 

Speaking of Crosbi, each day she grows up a bit more and all of the words she used to say incorrectly are now correct. Another sign that she's getting further and further away from the baby she used to be. But there are a few words she still says wrong and when she says them, it puts the biggest smile on our faces. 

My favorites these days:

Barvie (Barbie) 

Rester-not (restaurant)

Soupcase (suitcase)

Alfin and the Chickmunks (Alvin and the Chipmunks)

Love that girl. 

I'm pretty pumped I'll get to hear lots of wrong words again in the coming years. Crazy.

xoxo

 

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Crosbi Says...

I'm going to call this edition of Crosbi Says "She is so my child."

Because seriously. She is so my child.

Me: How was school today?
Crosbi: Good. We did centers.
Me: Which center is your favorite?
Crosbi: Lunch. Because I'm always hungry.

Crosbi: Mommy, I'm going to do something so exciting! I'm going to clean the whole house!

Crosbi: Mommy, can we listen to your songs (aka the Sam Hunt record)? They're my jam.

Crosbi eating sausage pizza: I love pizza. I mean, I like pizza, but I really love sausage. -- Says the girl who asked for sausage for her third birthday.

I overheard her playing with her dolls...
"Oh that's a pretty dress, but it's not my color."

I have to admit, it's a little scary knowing how much of my personality she picks up on and imitates. I have to really watch what I say and do these days. But really, what's not to love about a girl who loves good food, a clean house and Sam Hunt?!

Four is the best age.

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It Takes A Village

 Be very careful never to forget what you have seen the Lord do for you. Do not let these things escape from your mind as long as you live! And be sure to pass them on to your children and grandchildren. - Deuteronomy 4:9

It really does take a village and I'm oh so thankful for mine. It's incredible how powerful words are. The past couple of weeks I have had words shared with me that have stopped me in my tracks, dropped me to my knees, and left me praising my God. All because people who care about me have shared their wisdom and kindness.

When I was pregnant with Crosbi, one of my deepest prayers was that she would find community with women who would lift her up and encourage her, and this week I'm reminded just how important that prayer still is. Not just for me and Crosbi, but now for her little sister. That's right, if you missed it, we're having another girl!

Last week we had our big 20-week ultrasound and discovered that our newest family member is a little girl. The emotions I had about having another girl were all over the place. But God amazed me with his faithfulness. Within minutes my phone was flooded with texts from my mom to best friends to old coworkers who were praying for me and with me, reminding me that God has a perfect plan and that he had always planned for me to be the mom of girls. I had friends share with such vulnerability their thoughts when they first learned the gender of their babies, and I have to say, those words moved mountains for me. God spoke through them to remind me how much he loves me and my family and I went from shock to celebration almost immediately.

Then just yesterday, He did it again. I've shared that adding another child has been a bittersweet reality as I think of how it will change my relationship with Crosbi. I still have days where I'm overcome with fear and sadness when I think of having to divide my time. Yesterday was one of those days. Before I jumped in the shower, I turned on a Taylor Swift playlist and the first song to play was "Never Grow Up." Word to the wise, do NOT listen to that song when you're a 5-month pregnant woman with crazy hormones. I lost it. Sobbed like a baby. All I could think about was how fast the past four years have gone by and how quickly Crosbi is growing up. I thought, will she ever know how much I've loved her during this time? Will she ever understand how much she means to me? (And now I'm crying as I write this...).

As I got out of the shower I heard my phone vibrating and thinking it was Todd, quickly ran to check it. It wasn't Todd, it was my Aunt Terry and her words were so timely that I know without a doubt God was speaking to her for me:

"I wanted to let you know that when I was pregnant, I also wondered how in the world I could ever love another as much as I loved the first...I remember thinking that so well. Believe me, your heart grows big enough to love so much."

What?! Is there a camera in my bathroom? How did she know? I told her I was literally just having a breakdown and her timing couldn't have been more perfect. I also told her my fears that Crosbi won't know how much I love her. Her response:

"You're correct. Crosbi will not know how much you love her until the day she has a child of her own. On that day she will know."

Cue tears forever.

But just like that, her words struck my heart and I knew God was comforting me with them. One of the greatest ways for me to deal with my fear is to know that I'm not alone. I don't know a single woman who hasn't expressed some sadness or worry about how adding another child will change their family. It means even more when they encourage me with their own stories. It's as if God himself comes down to say, "Tara, it's going to be okay. Look at these women in your life. I'm going to do the same for you."

I'm so thankful for my village. I'm thankful for the women in my life who feel a tug at their hearts and share their wisdom with me. I'm thankful that not only are they carrying me, they are going to be such amazing examples to my girls. My girls. It's still sinking in, but I'm not nearly as afraid.

Nineteen weeks left and counting. Let's do this.

xoxo

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Another Stepp

As I revealed on social media, we are expecting another baby. Another baby!! I'm still in shock. It's funny the texts/calls/emails I've received. "How are you feeling?" "Did you want another baby?" Completely understandable questions. Before I dig into how I'm really feeling, I really want to be honest. Truthfully, brutally honest this time. Not because I want to remember hard times, but because I have gone back and read all my pregnancy posts with Crosbi and as I read through them, I think, "That's not how I really felt at all!" A lot of what I wrote during that season was exactly what was on my heart...but I also wrote what I expected people would want to hear. If this blog is going to be a tool for my kids later on, I want them to know my true heart...not my sugar coated thoughts.

So here we go.

Were we trying to have another baby? Not exactly. No permanent measures had been taken, so we always knew there was the possibility, but we were really happy with our family of three. Nothing felt missing, if that's the question.

How did I know I was pregnant? I was crying about everything. The day I took the test, I had been in a company wide meeting...a state of the union basically, and I couldn't stop crying about company updates. I sat there thinking this is ridiculous. What is wrong with me? I left work and went to Kroger and took the test in the Kroger bathroom. I was positive I was pregnant. No need to wait to take it at home.

How did I feel about being pregnant again? I had so many mixed emotions. I was really thankful/awestruck that there was another little life inside me, but my younger sister is pregnant and I didn't want to steal attention from her. I was terrified of what the next few weeks/months would bring knowing how sick I was with Crosbi. I researched everything and tried anything I could to avoid severe morning sickness. Nothing worked.

The hardest part was coming to terms with Crosbi not being my only baby. I've explained this to my friends, but I think it has been so hard because I never thought we would have another baby, so I had no issue investing my whole heart into hers. It was always just going to be her, and giving her my all was an easy choice. The moment I saw the two pink lines, it felt like she had been ripped away from me. That sounds dramatic, but I was heartbroken. I couldn't look at her without crying and I would break down multiple times a day when I thought about her having to share me.

How am I feeling now? Much better. It's hard to think rationally when you're extremely sick. With Crosbi, I had horrible sickness. It's been different this time, but just as awful. With her I would throw up 10-12 times a day until around 18 weeks. But as horrible as that was, I would have relief in between trips to the bathroom. This time I haven't thrown up nearly as much, but have felt constantly sick. Imagine having the stomach flu for 3 months, not knowing when it will end. It's hard. Exhausting, frustrating, scary, hard. It's also hard when others don't understand. I felt like this time around family members expected me to suck it up or that my medicine would magically make my symptoms disappear. If only. I was told that if I took Tums I would be better in no time (right, because that would be much stronger than the prescription medicine I was currently taking). Or if I was physically getting sick I would be asked, "Well did you take your medicine?" Yes. Yes, I did. But my medicine just helps take the edge off (some days). If it completely cured pregnancy sickness, I would have gotten pregnant a long time ago. I felt a lot more isolated in my "morning" sickness this time. I'm so, so thankful to be on the other side of it now.

Okay, enough venting! How am I really feeling now, as in today? I feel hopeful. My sickness is practically behind me with the help of my medicine. My energy is starting to return and I've come around to the idea of being a family of four. The irony is that Crosbi has helped me the most. She is so excited about being a big sister. Her excitement has rubbed off on me and I couldn't be more thankful. She can't wait to hold and kiss the baby. She wants to change diapers (but not the poopy ones!) and has asked if she can lay in the crib with the baby while it naps so the baby isn't lonely. She's constantly thinking of baby names and talks to my belly. I really can't wait to see her as a big sister. This baby is so lucky to have her.

Todd is really excited, and that makes me excited too.

It's going to be a journey, that's for sure, but my head isn't quite as cloudy and I'm not as hormonal and now I'm fully on board. This baby might have been a surprise to us, but God wasn't surprised and I know in the coming months/years I will look back and I won't be able to imagine a life before there were four of us. I have no doubt about that.

So, to my loved second child, should you read this some day, know this: While you gave me and your daddy quite the shock with your impending arrival, and you made me really sick, know that I wouldn't go through this for anyone else. You will be the puzzle piece of my life that I never saw coming, but always needed and my greatest surprise.  I'm in awe that God would give you to us. I just can't wait to meet you. Welcome to the family.

xoxo

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The Times Are Changing And So Am I

I'm struggling to write this post. The words are there, but it could come across in ways I don't intend. Even so, I want to remember this season and I know I'll look back at this post in the years to come. I'll want to be reminded of what God was doing in my heart and how he used a three year old girl to teach me about true love. Warning - this is a bit lengthy.

I'm working quite a bit now. I have the luxury to work from home a majority of the time, but I'm working nearly full-time hours. There are two reasons I'm okay with this. One, I know this is just a season. I can't keep this pace up forever and by God's grace, at this point in our lives and finances, I know I won't have to. Second, working more means I have been able to put more money towards our new house than we originally planned and I've been able to contribute to furnishing it without adding any additional debt. All good things.

With more work means more child care required. It doesn't sit well with me to work away on my computer while Crosbi plays alone or to use the TV as a babysitter. Because of that, she's now enrolled in two part-time preschools. Both are just two half days a week, meaning she goes four days a week. One of the preschools she has gone to since she was just shy of two years old. It's a dream school. I love the staff, Crosbi has made incredible friendships, and I've even made some really great friendships with other moms. The preschool is in a church and the values being taught to my daughter are invaluable. She's not only learning about the love of Christ from the curriculum, but her teachers demonstrate God's love in ways that make me tear up just thinking about it. I'll be sad the day she begins Kindergarten and we say goodbye to her church school.

This summer I knew I had to add some additional care, and I knew another two-day school would be the best fit for our family. I had another church in mind, but I just couldn't get myself to pull the trigger. Then I remembered a school I had heard about when we first moved to Nashville that had only been described as "magical." Outdoor and imaginative play are the primary goals. I can get on board with that. But I also knew this school was pretty liberal. This is not a "Christian" school. This school is open to all children from all backgrounds. I went ahead and enrolled Crosbi and paid the enrollment fee to save her a spot so I could give it more thought.

A few weeks before school began, I panicked. I threw the registration papers away. The school is too liberal, I can't have her going there. But now I didn't have a plan. I would need to find a nanny. To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement.

In bed one night I tossed and turned, not able to sleep. Stressing about my childcare situation, I asked God to make His plan for Crosbi known. I picked up my phone to search preschools when I saw the email that the first month of tuition at the "magical" school had already posted. That was a pretty clear indicator that things were already in motion for Crosbi to attend.

At open house, I hesitantly walked in. As a mom, I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was the J.Crew to a world of Urban Outfitters. A Chevy to a land of Subarus (literally!). In other words, I was the least "hippie" mom there and it was obvious. Shortly after entering the building we met other children and quickly met a little girl in Crosbi's class who had come with her two moms. As someone who prides herself on loving others and being the hands and feet of Jesus, I was surprised by my reaction. I smiled and engaged in conversation, but in my head, I was done. No way was Crosbi going to school here. I can't have her going to a school like this. She's three years old. We're not ready for these conversations.

Wow.

Where did that come from?

My heart. My ugly, fearful heart.

In church the week before, our pastor had said that if the last ten people we had called on our phone look like us, have the same skin color, are in the same tax bracket, etc,. then we're not doing it right. God didn't call us to love the people that are just like us.

Gulp.

After leaving the open house, I had to really humble myself and ask God for direction. He made it very clear that this school would stretch my family and that running away was not what He was asking me to do.

On the second day of school, the teachers told me that Crosbi was really drawn to the little girl with two moms. This little girl is a bit younger and smaller than Crosbi, and Cros has gone out of her way to love on her. The teacher told me that when the little girl was playing by herself or felt left out, Crosbi would come to her and hug her or hold her hand.

I wish I could say I jumped for joy, but my fear took hold. Of all the kids in this class, Crosbi would be drawn to this one? In the car I asked Crosbi what she liked about her new friend. Her response shook me to my core:

"I don't know, mom. I just really love her."

Crosbi is oblivious to the situation. She doesn't understand the family dynamic of this little girl. She just loves her. No stereotype, no fear. Just love.

God is wrecking me in the best way during this season in our lives. He's using my sweet girl to get me outside of my own head, my fears and judgment. He's reminding me that he made all of us in His image and that He never ran from those that were different. In fact, He was drawn to them.

My prayer these days sounds something like this:

Lord, help me to love with childlike love. Help me to follow my daughter's lead when she's more in tune with your Spirit than I am. Use this season to teach my family what the love of Christ truly looks like. Make us more like you.

I'm so thankful for a God who doesn't leave us in our mess. I'm especially thankful that he would use a spunky three year old, who I have the blessing of calling my daughter, to do His best work.

xoxo

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Thankful :: August 2014

This summer is flying. I feel like I just sat down to write July's thankful post and here I am, writing a post for August. Part of me is ready to welcome in fall. Temperatures haven't dipped below 90 and it's unbelievably humid this week. Bring on the hoodies and boots, right? But we have one last summer adventure coming up this week, and then I'll definitely be ready for cool weather and pumpkin spice lattes (and I don't even like pumpkin spice lattes!). Make it a frap and I might be interested.

This month was one of those months I kind of wished away, and now that it's almost over I wish I hadn't done that. I counted down the days until we went out of town or until preschool started (I'm not going to win any mom awards for that one). I just love the routine of fall. But as quickly as it went, August gave us lots to be thankful for. 

Like zoo play dates with preschool friends and their mamas. Crosbi might have had the meltdown of all toddler meltdowns and I might have left the zoo in tears, but I'm thankful for moms who understand and text me later to tell me they have been there. 

Slow mornings to drink my coffee and to turn cereal into a lesson in counting.

Thrift store finds for this mama who doesn't typically like to hunt for clothes. I'm changing my ways!

Rainy days to give a new umbrella from Grandma a spin.

A little girl who is really showing her personality each day. 

For the first day of a new year at preschool. I couldn't love her preschool more. Crosbi's teachers are incredible and for not having family nearby, it feels as much like leaving her with family as it possibly could. I'm so thankful.

xoxo

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Thankful :: July 2014

Since I actually got my blogging act together last month, I don't have many photos that I haven't already posted. July gave us lots to be thankful for, but this post will be short and sweet as I'm currently in Missouri and sneaking on the computer while Crosbi naps.

In July we retreated to the Cabin, picked blueberries and visited St. Louis. But we also...

Played with bubbles on the front porch.

Watched a storm roll in at our CSA.

Pretended to be elephants at the craft store.

Met new "friends" and did a little back to preschool shopping.

August has felt so full already and we're not even half-way through. I'll post more about our time in Missouri, especially about our time at the lake which felt like medicine for this often anxious mama.

xoxo

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Life Lately | In Black and White

If you follow me on Instagram, you know that we have had a lot of people in our home this past week. We've hosted cousins, parents, and friends. I have to admit, Todd and I have been doing a lot of daydreaming and talking about moving. We've been in our home for seven years next month and we both have the itch to make memories somewhere new. We would love to have a little more land, possibly close to water. Like I said, we're dreaming. But, we feel like God still has plans for us in our current home and this week was such a great reminder that no matter the size or layout, community happens around the table. It happens when toddlers play together. It happens in your PJs on late nights with lots of ice cream. Who knows what the future has in store, but for now we're trying to be intentional where we are. To not miss what is happening right now by living in the future.

So we're striving to live in the moment. To relish the last of summer. Having a toddler really helps to put things in perspective. Crosbi only lives in the now. Time is relative and to her, things either happened last week or will happen on Thursday. I love that. I have so much to learn from her.

xoxo

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Cabin Weekend | July 4th

This past weekend we truly lived life off the grid. No internet, no cell service, no working bathroom. Okay, that last one might be a slight exaggeration, but we definitely unplugged, made memories with our sweet girl, and spent time with a few of our closest friends.

One thing I've been bad about since having Crosbi is recording video. I'm trying to fix that so she'll have lots of home movies to watch as she grows up.

I'm sure we'll watch this one together for years to come.

Hope you all had a happy 4th! So thankful to live in this great country and enjoy such freedom.

xoxo

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Thankful :: June 2014 Edition

June isn't quite over yet, but I know how easily the days can get away from me, so I thought I would go ahead and take a minute to reflect on the month. June has been lots of things. It has been hot. Really hot. It has been busy, but relaxing.  It has been filled with community in many ways and I'm so thankful for that.

There was a time before Crosbi that we could easily fill every night on our calendar. Then Crosbi came and we slowed down, stayed home more, and spent many evenings as a family of three. It was definitely needed and often necessary, but we're on the other side and it's nice to be out and about again. This month we have been on fun date nights, gone out with new friends, and have spent lots of time with the friends we've had for years. We have opened up our home and enjoyed late nights at the homes of others. We've hit the pool, taken a road trip, and have slowly figured out a summer routine. I finished my study of 1 and 2 Peter and have just begun an in-depth study of Titus. Each day I'm becoming more and more passionate about God's Word and can't get enough of it. Because of that, June has also been filled with lots of prayer. What do I do with that passion? What's next for me? Only time will tell.

June has given us many things to be thankful for.  

Like early morning strolls around the neighborhood.

Sand boxes and a girl who isn't afraid to get her hands dirty.

Discovering new-to-us parks that have merry-go-rounds.

A CSA that feeds my family (and the cat that lives on the farm to entertain my child!).

My sleeping beauty. I can watch her sleep for hours. Maybe that's why the days get away from me!

Our neighborhood and the sno-cone truck that visits on hot days.

Local music festivals and a girl who always has time to sing and dance.

Kiddie pools and giggles on summer nights.  

My heart is full.

xoxo

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Crosbi Says

On my to-do list is a reminder to buy a journal to document all of the funny things Crosbi says. She has been saying and doing such funny things lately and I want to remember all of it. I thought it would be fun to start recording her ramblings here as well for friends and family. Her imagination is wild, her joy is contagious, and she's just so funny. Having a toddler is the best.

After waking up early one morning, Crosbi crawled into our bed and fell back asleep for a couple of hours. I was working in the other room when she ran in and shouted, "I slept for like 5 hours!"

Frozen has been on repeat lately. Crosbi likes to dress like a princess and announce, "It's coronation day!"

She's been doing great with potty training, but often holds it too long when she doesn't want to stop playing. Lately when I ask her if she needs to potty she says, "No mom, I'm fine." And yeah, she often calls me mom (not mommy) and thinks it's hilarious to call me Tara.

Such a silly girl!

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Thankful :: May 2014 Edition

This month's thankful post is so needed. It has been a rough month. Today I'll spare you a photo of our AC unit that went out again.  I'll spare you photos (that don't actually exist) of Crosbi in time-out or throwing major tantrums and behaving in ways that make both of us cry. Life can be hard. Raising kids is hard. Dealing with finances (or lack thereof) is hard. Watching friends lose loved ones is so, very hard and this month we have felt the pain of all of these things.

With BSF over for the year, I have started a She Reads Truth study. The ladies that write the devotionals are anointed for sure. I'm not doing the current study. I decided to go back and study 1 and 2 Peter and it has been just what I need (I love when God does that). Today in my quiet time my mind began to wander and I began to feel sorry for myself. I was bummed that we may have to cancel our beach vacation to pay for home repairs. I was feeling like a horrible mom because I'm ready for Crosbi to be back in preschool. I should enjoy every day spent with her, right? I was frustrated and questioning God's goodness. Why is cancer allowed to steal and destroy?

One line in my devotional really spoke to me: "If Christ himself couldn't escape persecution on earth, who are we to think we should?" 

For context, the scripture today was referring to how we are to treat those that speak and act harshly towards us. But I think we could replace the word persecution with sin or humanity. Christ couldn't escape the evil (sin) and hardships of this world, so why should we think we should? 

But the great news is that He overcame the world, and in Him we can find joy, even in the midst of struggle.

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation, but take heart, I have overcome the world." John 16:33

One of the ways I find peace is by looking through the photos I have taken and reminding myself of the good. Because even in the dark, there is so much good. I have so much to be thankful for.

I'm thankful for sunny days and trips to the park.

For a girl who thinks McDonald's is just an "indoor park" that happens to have French fries.

For dinners outside. Nearly all of our meals in the summer are grilled. 

For zoo dates with these two.

For walks and flowers to pick on our neighborhood trail.

For a little girl who crawls in my bed and cuddles with her daddy.

For the chance to see my grandparents. I'm really blessed to have them. I know their trips will become fewer and far between, and I treasured the time with them.

For new tricycles and a little girl who was is already a pro rider!

For best friends and their babies. It is so fun watching our kiddos grow up together.

May definitely had its highs and lows, but I'm sure thankful for this life I live.

xoxo

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Thankful :: April 2014 Edition

If I could bottle up the weather we've had in April, I would. After what felt like the longest winter ever, the sunshine and 75 degree days are more than making up for it. Honestly I could just stop there for this thankful post.

But then I wouldn't have pictures of my best girl, so I'll keep going. 

This month has brought us many things to be thankful for. We had a wonderful time with family over Easter, but we also enjoyed hanging out around our house too.

Did I mention I'm thankful for this weather? Maybe not the allergies that have come with it, but definitely thankful for being back outside. I'm thankful for days to run in the park and swing upside down.

For best buddies who like to explore and eat ice cream together.

For a little girl that still smiles for the camera when I ask (or bribe). 

For Easter and the fun traditions that come with it.

For zoo dates with new friends. Crosbi has made some great friends at preschool and lucky for me, her friends' moms are pretty cool too.

Today we're planning to spend all day outside. We've got some spring cleaning to do and we might even plant an herb garden and build a fire pit. S'mores, anyone?

Have a great weekend!

xoxo

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